Death Snuck In

Usually, you can see Death approaching from a distance, following a person who is ill or elderly. Death is patient in so many cases, and it plods along behind a person until it finally catches up. In 2004, I could see death coming for my Father, early in the year, and my Father-in-Law, just after Christmas. 2004 was a year I dreaded.

This year Death was a surprise visitor, who popped out from behind a corner, rather than trudging along. It was an ambush that caught me off guard. In March, I received word that the son of one of my grandparent's neighbors had died. Our family would make the trip up to Wilkes-Barre 3 or 4 times a year to visit, and only uring the summer trip would there be anyone of the male species to play with. Paul was a good natured boy about 10 years older than me, and took to me pestering him to play baseball, football whatever. Male companonship was the order of the day, and Paul was kind enough to provide it. I didn't know it at the time, but he went to college to become a teacher. I would see him occasionally thru his summers at home, but rarely thought of him after my teens. Until March.

Reading his obituary, I learned that he moved to the other side of Harrisburg, and had taught high school and led the band. His family was with him when he lost his battle with cancer. I went to the viewing, amazed to see many young men and women paying tribute to this educator and family man. I also got to see his two sisters, faces and names from 35 years past. It brought back good memories of easier days, and occupied my mind on my trip to Wilkes-Barre that evening.

Sometimes a brief shared experience can create a bond of sorts. That fraction of time could be fun, terrifying, or in some cases, a moment of recovery. Shelie was in rehab for several days before I arrived, a mid-30's single Mom who was a teacher. Her poison was wine, which was certainly a result of a bitter custody dispute with her ex-husband over their young son. While I don't know if alcohol led to her divorce, it did have an impact on her son's custody. Shelie had been arrested for DUI, and because her son was in the car with her, she got a child endangerment charge, too. They were charges that threatened her child and her career.

It seemed that her time in rehab was well spent. I saw her at a nearby street fair a few weeks after I left rehab, with her fiancee and some other rehab people in tow. She was so outgoing and personable, with an amazing ability to talk to all types of people. Twenty six months later, Shelie was dead of an apparent suicide.

What went wrong? Did she lose the custody fight? Were the voices of doubt and fear that was in her head too loud? She was from out of the area - did her supporters, friends and family slip away as things went from bad to worse in her life? I hope she finds the peace that she sought so hard but always seemed elusive.

The last week of July provided the final surprise by Death. A man who used to be my Assistant had shot himself at last place of work. Dave was a paradox - a man with a PhD in Psychology with less emotional intelligence than the Sunday Father. A wine enthusiast with an equal passion for guns. He had gone on to four other jobs in a 10 year period, and had just been turned down for a position the day before.

I had the chance to help him with getting two of those jobs, and I had work available, if I had known of his situation. So unnecessary and a waste of a life.

This year has been the year of the surprise visits by Death. I guess I've been lucky over the years, with no sudden visits by Death in my family or circle of friends. It was a belated series of visits this year.